My Life On Dialysis

02:25 No Sleep.

2006-07-13T02:30:02+02:00

Hi there, Hear I am again, and I am not asleep, I guess it didn't help that for an hour the sounds intruding from my upstairs neighbours closely resembled a cheap porn movie. and to top that off we were given some gangster rap, followed by the tv on to loud.

Sorry nothing very interesting to report, Life is Good, the sun shines, marriage is great, and we are not in need of anything, which is more than many around the world could say about life. so I should be thankfull.

Bless God. and bless the reader.

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03:56 and I cant sleep again.

2006-07-08T04:09:31+02:00

Hello everyone. the night time dialysis no sleep thing.

I just got back from an awsomie meeting, a friend of mine has a healing ministry and He lets me join in praying for the sick, the first guy I prayed for had been in a car accident a couple of weeks ago, and had to have his foot put back together with screws. He was in pain and using a crutch, I asked Him what He wanted prayer for and He named something else so I prayed for that, then God pointed to His foot, I asked Him about it and HE told me, I prayed for Him commanded the foot to be made whole, and immediatly He felt the difference, within twenty minutes the young man was walking without the aid of His crutch with no pain. yey God.

I then prayed for an elderly lady who had persistant back pain and a growth on top of her head. after praying and rebuking the growth in the name of Jesus it disolved and is now Gone, then the back pain went. yey, how much fun is God.

now his some weird logic, I have renal failure, I am on dialyisis, and multiple medications yet I can pray for people and see them healed.....

other than that I havent really been doing a lot, for a few days Ive been reading about the overthrow of jerusalem in 70ad, for me it was very amazing, Jesus predicted in detail the details of the destruction of jerusalem, something that happened thirty five years after His death. and because of His warnings those who believed in Him were able to flee before the destruction and as a result survived.

oh I ate at this really cool spanish restraunt, tapas and stuff was really good all that olives and bread and olive oil... I love food. If it was only food God had invented on this earth, that alone would make Him the most excellent friend and Guy around .

well thats me for tonight ill probably try and sleep on the sofa, all the tossing and turning keeps my wife awake.....

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03:42 cant sleep

2006-07-05T04:07:34+02:00

One of the more iritating side effects to dialysis or maybe one of the medications is lack of sleep.

Ihatedialysis.com possibly the best dialysis forum in the world

Ive spent the whole day reading and studying very heady stuff, and you'd think at bed time I might be tired, but no. not an ounce of sleepy to be found. stupid sleepy why is it so good at hiding.

4 friends on blog.co.uk. yey about time. come on people read my ramblings and leave a comment chear me up. who knows why it chears me up to have little names of people I dont know who are called friends, but it does so take five minutes to say something nice. and read some of it, I was assured by someone it wasn't boring.......

my wife is great, I am married to the most wonderfull woman in the world, no offence all the other women of the world, but its my opinion and I am sticking to it. When I got sick my wife was a pillar, sometimes a crying pillar, sometimes a miserable hopeless pillar nevertheless. I actually gave her permission to leave me, I love her to much to expect her to stay with me if I am not and cannot be a fully functioning husband. But she didnt and now she smiles again which is awsome.

03:50 and I am still rambling, tonight I keep running into yucky stuff on the internet, weird that you are googling along and then all of a sudden face to face with yucky stuff. well enough rambling I guess I should say something deep and meaningfull just in case anyone reads this.

The wages of sin is death, But Gods gift to you is eternal life through Jesus Christ, you just have to reach out take the gift like a little child and open it up.

what is faith, well its that simple, the little child sees the gift being offered and trusts that if she reaches out to take it it will not be snatched away, she trusts that the giver of the gift is good.

Im not religious in fact, I hate religion just as Jesus did, But I have to tell you Jesus is the greatest friend I have ever made, Hes the most beautifull person I have ever met, He a friend that is closer than a brother, who would stand up for me in any fight. If I could do one thing In my life that could benifit you as an individual, I would like it to be that I destroy the negative image many of you have of God, and kill that sick religious image of Jesus that has been portrayed by those who dont know Him.

What do you think when I say traffic wardens, maybe you think oh no not another parking fine.

well when I mention Jesus many of you have a preconcieved Idea, oh no not another religious nut, oh no not one of those church folks.

but I wish I could destroy that preconcieved idea and show you true Jesus.

everyone has their own atmosphear that surrounds them, some people you dont want to hang around, some people project intimidation as they walk around, some people seem bitter. you can feel these emotions of the people you see every day. well when I met Jesus, when He comes into the room I feel His peace, His presence is peace, and re-assurance, and encouragement, and compassion, its mercy, and kindness, tenderness and forgiveness, Its justice

ask Him to visit turn off the tv close your eyes breath out and wait.

Behold I stand at the door if anyone opens to me I will come in and dine with Him and He with me. Dinner with Jesus, they dont teach that in the churches often enough.

anyway theirs my deep and meaning full.

go on throw questions at me, but not untill you wait for Him.

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a year later

2006-07-02T02:53:15+02:00

I have now been on dialysis for a year. 9 months on haemo which as I may have said "Was Hell" and now 4 months on capd, which has been excellent I have been on holiday 3 times in the last four months in order to make up for last year.. yey.

God has officially healed 15 percent of my kidney function, it was down to only 10% But now it is 25 what does that mean for life, well I was on a fluid restriction and could only drink to cups of anything a day, around 500mls . this was because I had stopped peeing due to the kidneys failure, now I can pee 2ltrs IN 24 HRS and have been asked to try to drink at least two ltrs a day, this does not happen and is a medical anomaly as I was informed by my capd nurse.

this all came about after a friend of mine who has a healing ministry prayed for me..

So yeah life is more bearable God is lovely. and hopefully someone out there is reading this and can be encouraged by what I am sharing.

Yey God you are wonderfull. Jesus hates religion.. appart from true religion the care of widows and orphans, taking care of those less fortunate than ourselves...

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six months later

2006-04-14T15:41:40+02:00

dear whoever is listening, its now been six months since my kidneys failed and I began dialysis, Haemo dialysis left me continuously sick, dizzy,tired, thirsty and infected, in the nine months of haemo dialysis I had around six infections and was allways in and out of accident and emergency.

we have recently changed to Capd, home dialysis where you have a tube inserted into your tummy and this is used for the treatment, for more info check out

http://www.kidneypatientguide.org.uk/site/pdanim.html

anyway this type of dialysis is much better I feel perfectly well, my appetite is normal, I can drink more and the sun is shining.

Oh yeah, and God is still awsome I still wait upon Him to fullfil His word.

Blessings .

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The faithfull God of Love

2005-10-31T22:03:51+01:00

God is so much greater than dialysis, yes dialysis is apparently keeping me alive, but if I were to die I would be with the Lord in Glory.

so to live allthough more difficult, is just an adventure.

throughout the sickness and the treatment, one thing has become apparent, "When we are faithless He remains faithfull for He cannot reject Himself".

Sometimes I have felt like a dead dog, and questioned "why would anyone love such a useless man ?" but despite me God has shown His faithfulness, debts and bills have come and gone , needs have been met by His love. He is love and His mercies fail not.

And there has been nothing left in me with which to serve Him, nothing I had left to make Him proud, nothing in me left to value, I guess my ego has been dying day by day, my sense of worth has died, and yet In God I have discovered my true sense of worth, He loves me, as I have been made to carry the cross I have discovered the Love that surpasses me, faithfull as He is.

its awsome to know that while we were yet sinners Christ loved us enough to die in our place. and by that same love we are forever saved, forever excepted in the beloved.

Feel free to ask me questions or chat or disagree or anything else apropriate.....

tommorow evening I have another 4 hour dialysis slot, one day I will have no more dialysis, for He will confirm His word in me.

"He who promised is faithful who also will do it."

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Change:

2005-10-28T01:48:23+02:00

Hello again, just thought I would write something new:

Ive been on dialysis for about four months now, and I have had a week of really cool miracles, So I thought I would share them.

ok firstly last week I had a bad infection all week, 0 energy,0 motivation, and I just felt sick and fevered. to top that off, our car failed the mot test badly, we were told the rear suspension needed replacing, the handbrake was damaged and the seal was rusted through, we were told to get the suspension sorted would be about £600. ahhhhhhhhhhh

we have been living on very little money for months now, and gradually trying to pay off our bills. to add to that our electricity bill came in at £130 and council tax was demanding £16. none of which we could afford.

well we prayed, and asked Jesus, we also arranged to have our car re-mot'ied , firstly the car passed the mot. all the problems were gone within three days, and zero work.

we were then given a gift of £130 by the most unlikely source. leaving us enough cash to pay the Council tax.

What else ?

well my bp used to run at 250 over 190, normal is around 130 over 80.
the dr's tried treating it with several tablets. and it came down a bit, so that by the end of each dialysis session, it was normal, But every time I arrived at dialysis it was allways slightly high, and very high if I had been drinking to much fluid. now after recieving prayer for a few weeks, my blood pressure is normal when I get on the machine and when I get off and that is without the medication, as I neglected to take a few doses:

so that was cool,

anyway thanks for listening to my chatter..

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infections, finances, and the stupid machine

2005-10-22T13:16:58+02:00

well to continue my story after these few weeks leave of abscense.

since I last wrote, I have developed a nasty infection and finances have become a real problem.

I had been attending dialysis as usual, and about half way through the session I developed a really dull ache in my elbow. I asked for pain killers and I think they worked.

I had an infection before which had started in the same way and left me in hospital for a week with terrible fever. So not wanting the same hassle I got some antibiotics from my doctor and started taking them, the only problem is they make me feel sick and loose my apetite. So now I was aching, feeling sick, cold, and tired.

for the last week or so, I really hadn't bothered to talk to God, I had kind of left Him in heaven, while I was going through hell. but last night my wife went out for a while and after a while of being stubborn, I began to share my problems and stuff with God. Soon His peace filled the room, and my sickness disapeared. and by the time my wife had got back I had some answers and was much less grumpy.

anyway finances, this week was terrible, our little car failed the mot test, and the tester suggested we scrap it and get a new one. but not being one to let go without a fight, we took the car to another mechanic, who said he could fix the car and mot it for £150 which allthough better than the £600+ quoted by quickfit, was still way beyond the money we have. anyway within a day somebody had offered to pay for the car to be sorted. but the next day we got a stupidly high electricity bill.

why am I telling you all this. well its one of the downsides to getting sick, our financial situation is limited to benifits and even on the high rate we recieve we cannot meet our own needs.

there will be a day when I am healed physically.

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The routine

2005-09-28T15:29:17+02:00

So I continued to have dialysis and it soon became a routine, tuesdays,thursdays and saturdays for four hours I am plugged into a blood cleaning machine.

at the beggining there was a buzz of Dr's and changing medications, and meeting dieticians, and people coming to see me to educate me about my choices as a person with Esrf.

but now it has become just a fairly boring, repetative, slightly frustrating rountine, I have read on some websites where people describe their dialysis experiance as a normal routine like going to work, and they describe the other patients and the nurses like one big happy family.

that has not been my experiance, the hospital environment is of course clinical, as is the behaviour of the nurses, they ask me how I am doing but internally I know that they really don't give a stuff,maybe they are interested in the medical side, but to them I am a patient as apposed to a person, and that is the predominate feeling I get there.

the other patients just get on with it, some make a big deal of complaining loudly, shouting out "give me your kidney" is the favourite past time of one patient, But I try and endure it.

So I get there an I am plugged in, that process for me is an easy one, I have an access line(plastic tubey thing) in my chest, and they simply change the dressing, mess around a bit and plug me in.
then begins the long wait of four hours, sometimes I take along my laptop and write for a couple of hours, sometimes I read books or the Bible. and othertimes I just play solitare.

Occaisionaly Jesus turns up for the duration, and we just sit and chat and enjoy one anothers company.

and for the time being this routine is my life, I cant plan any holidays without arranging at least three months in advance. and the longest time I could go abroad is two weeks, that is with the nhs paying for my dialysis treatment in another country.

welcome to this frustrating part of my life.

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the nightmare:

2005-09-27T21:35:18+02:00

As one who tends to chase after destiny,and step back from common sense in order to see what is beyond.

I was shocked and shaken when four and a half months ago my health began to fail, I had trouble holding down a single meal, and not being the kind of person who gives up easily I continued to press on.

Knowing only that the God who brings life to the dead and calls those things which are not as those they were would stand in my defence and bring life to my body.

I have seen Him open deaf ears, and remove tumours and lumps, completely remove pain from peoples bodies, and I just naturally assumed my friend Jesus would do the same for me.

So I continued on

I threw up every day, and I turned a permanent yellow color, I also began to get painful uncontrollable cramps in my legs and hands and stomach.

after a month of this constant sickness, we gave in and went to the local hospital for a blood test, we returned home and within half an hour, we had a phone call from the hospital, an anxious sounding dr said" It is vital that you come in as we have found some abnormalities in your blood."

So we packed a bag just in case and headed in, the first Dr we spoke to told me that my kidney had failed and If I don't get treatment I will die.

given such a friendly option we went for treatment, I was sent down to acident and emergency with a letter in my hand, after handing it in I was taken through and placed in a hospital bed, the next day I was transfered to a specialist hospital for people with kidney problems.

we soon discovered a great lack in information, the first diagnoses I read while travelling in the back of the ambulance, it said "this young man has End Stage Renal failure."

To me End stage means you are going to die, but I was reasured, well kind of, by the ambulance guy that many people can live a long and happy life on Dialysis !.

Hospital number two:

So I arrived at the next hospital followed shortly by my wife, within twenty minutes a group of Dr's aproached us and I was informed, "Your kidney is not working, that means that your blood is full of toxins, and if we do not treat you, you will die."

given the options or lack of it, we accepted that I be treated and within an hour they performed a small operation to put "A groin line in" a groin line I later discovered is a small temperary tube used as an access in order to dialise you.

the idea of anyone coming near my groin with a scalpel terrified me, but as I had no choice I went through with the operation which takes place while under a local anasthetic, and it was pretty painless.

Introductions :

That night I receieved dialysis treatment for the first time, we knew nothing about what was happening only that I was plugged into a machine, and hopefully it would help.

I remained in the hospital for two weeks, and during that time, I colapsed had fits, and generally had a lot of discomfort, during this time I was told that I would be on dialysis three times a week for the forseable future.

to describe all the emotions we went through would really take a while, but to give you an idea, me and my wife spent at least three days crying, confused, angry, afraid. ect

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